Okay, I'll Be Brave Now

Hey y'all! Wow. It's been a while! What can I say? Life got kinda busy and every time I sat down to write something, I was never able to put my ideas into words. 

Until tonight, when my cousin ran into my grandparents house almost in tears. It was dark, and she had seen some lightening. Even after my brother told her that the storm was far away, she said "I'm still scared." When my aunt asked her why, she said "what if they get caught in the thunderstorm?" guestering to her cousins who were still outside.  I was stuck by the child-like humility in her question. She didn't say that she was afraid of herself getting hurt, or anything like that. She went immediately to her cousins. 

I was surprised. I know that when I get afraid, it's usually centered on what will happen to me: what pain will I go through, how this affects my plans, yaddah yaddah yaddah. But when my 5 year old cousin put her cousins before herself, I felt a little convicted. 

I was reminded of Matthew 18:3-4 when Jesus takes a child and says this: "Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven." I know that I struggle with humility. It's a problem that probably finds its roots in jealousy. I get really jealous and when I do something better that someone else, I enjoy rubbing it in. Also, like I said earlier, I tend to worry about myself before worrying about anyone else. But when my cousin put her worry for my brothers and other cousins before worry about herself, I was inspired and defintitly added humility to my list of New Year's resolutions. 

The second thing she said a few minutes later, after a pep talk from her mom and before skipping back outside, was "okay. I'll be brave now." This almost hit me more than her other statement. The fact that the sniffling girl I had seen just five minutes before was now putting on her brace face and heading back into the storm (no pun intended) gave me a lesson in bravery. 

I struggle with fear more than anything else. Pain, snakes, public speaking, appearance, etc. You name it and I've probably been afraid of it at some point in my life. God has really been working on my heart over the past year or so to help me overcome these fears. I've gotten okay with needles and I've found ways to overcome fear of public speaking and appearence (I could write a whole blog on this but in three words: laugh at yourself). As for snakes, I will probably be afraid of them for the rest of my life. But that's okay because it's okay to be scared sometimes. What's not okay is to dwell on that fear. You have to be able to put faith in God that he will protect you and hold you through your fears. That is what I have a hard time with. When I heard my 5 year old cousin so easily (it seemed) say "okay. I'll be brave now," and just go back outside, I felt God say, "there you go. That's what I've been trying to say." 

So now, whenever I'm afraid, I'm gonna 1) let myself sniffle and cry because it's okay to cry. 2) make sure that I have a valid reason to be afraid and that I'm not just worried about me. And 3) I'm going to get up, wipe myself off, put my faith in God, and say "okay. I'll be brave now."

Sidney

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