Full Circles

When I was 12 I started playing keyboard in middle school worship. Today, when I was leading "big church" (I really don't know what to call it, but you get what I mean) worship at church in College Station, TX, 750 miles away my almost-12-year-old brother was singing for the first time at church in Nashville. Talk about full circles.

When I started playing in worship I did it because it was fun. I had been playing piano for a few years, but I wasn't fantastic. I knew enough to act like I knew what I was doing. And I totally lacked the confidence to do anything but play piano.

Then, about two years later I started playing regularly in "big church." Still, I did it because it was fun. Somewhere around that time my piano teacher asked me what my goal was with piano. I told her, "I don't really have a goal. It's just fun." I never thought it would be for anything besides enjoyment. So I kept playing on Sunday morning and Wednesday night, and I started to pick up on some stuff.

At the same time, I was indoctrinating my younger brother, David, into all things musical theater. We watched Shrek and Newsies on Netflix and listened to Frozen, Wicked, the Greatest Showman, and Hamilton in the car. I took him to see school shows and community theater. He started to get involved and auditioned to be in shows. We very quickly learned that he's got the attitude and heart for it. He loves it. And I love watching him.

Then I went off to school and started missing things. I missed his first audition for a school musical. I missed his first school musical. I know moving on is an important part of growing up, but it was hard to miss out on seeing him do what he loves.

However, finding a new church in Texas where I was able to get plugged into worship again made me feel more at home. And I started to realize that worship was something I could do full time. I started to become more aware that I am passionate about worship and that God gives us passions for a reason. So, I started pursuing ways to become more involved. I did a worship internship. I started to get more opportunities to lead in new ways. And God started to mess with my heart. He started to convince me that maybe leading worship could be something I could spend my life doing.

I still deal with major insecurities. I constantly compare my abilities to others. I don't have a two octave vocal range. I can't finger pick on the guitar. I can't sight read sheet music very well. However, I am confident that this is what God has called me to. When I played in worship for the first time on August 29, 2013 I had no idea that it would become something I would spend my life doing. But today I'm able to say that it's something I'm planning on pursuing after I graduate next year.

Looking back it's crazy to see what God has done in the last 7 1/2 years. He's helped my self-confidence to the point where I can sing on stage and only be a tiny bit terrified. He's giving me gifts and passions that have seen me through tough times. He's given me experiences that I can go back to and be thankful for. He's taught me that even though I might not be the most technically gifted, I can find complete satisfaction and fulfillment in him.

So watching my 11-year-old brother sing in "big church" for the first time this morning unleashed a wave of memories. It also got me thinking about his next 7 1/2 years. When he's my age, what is he going to look back and see? What is God going to do in his life that he can be thankful for? I love both of my brothers equally (yes, Joe, I love you too), but the age gap between me and David gives me the unique opportunity to watch him grow up and really appreciate what God is doing in his life.

This morning was a full circle moment. I watched David start doing what I have fallen in love with. I saw him use the gifts that God has given him to lead others in worship. As I continue to grow up and get farther from home, I am so thankful that I have brothers that I get to watch do the same. Being the oldest sister gives me the unique opportunity to be a spectator in the lives of a couple of the most important people in my life.

The last 7 1/2 years have been an absolute whirlwind. I can only imagine that the next 7 1/2 will be as well. I thank God for full circle moments like this morning that remind me that he has been and will continue to be faithful. And that my brothers are as incredible as they are annoying.

Sidney

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